12 Steps of chicken buying recovery

Step 1: I admit that I am powerless over the cheap chicken in the meat case. So much so, that my life and those around me have become unmanageable.

Step 2: I have come to believe that a power greater than ourselves known as beef or pork or even vegetables could restore me to sanity.

Step 3: I will make a decision to turn over a new leaf; to the care of the freezer in the basement, as I have now understood, is full of chicken bounty.

Step 4: I will make a searching and fearless moral inventory of the chicken in our freezer for the apocalypse, to understand its power over me.

Step 5: Admitting to myself, and to another human being, and at least one chicken, the exact nature of my wrongs.

Step 6: Where as I am entirely ready to have chicken removed and eaten from the basement freezer before it suffers all defects of edible character due to freezer burn.

Step 7: I humbly asked the great chicken to remove my compulsion and shortcomings of over stuffing the freezer with chicken, as the electricity may suddenly vanish due to zombies.

Step 8: Making a list of all chickens harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

Step 9: I will also make direct amends to such chickens wherever possible, especially when to do so would injure them or others.

Step 10: I will continued to take personal inventory of all chicken in the freezer and refrigerator, as to not put more chicken into my cart when shopping, When I am wrong, promptly admitted it and returning it to the meat case.

Step 11: I have sought through dinning and meditation to improve the conscious contact with the great chicken*,* as we understand Him. Praying only for knowledge of his will for us, and the power over carry out meals of chicken.

Step 12: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, I will try to carry this message to chick-a-holics, and to practice these principles in all of my shopping.

I wrote this for a friend many years ago, he asked for a copy of it and I realized that I still found it funny. Hope you enjoyed it too.